You are not alone

Four smart, elegant, attractive women in their thirties, all business owners and top executives, beautifully groomed and dressed, laughing loud and having dinner and drinks at a new, trendy venue - they do sound intimidating, don't they... and it will take 'balls' approaching them, isn't it?

Well, that was me and my girlfriends, few years back in my sunny days at home. We were all strong, independent women with huge hearts, plenty of attitude, no fear of expressing opinions and sarcastic minds to match our big personalities. We had our regular weekly girls-night-outs when the world was all about US. It was a way to escape our busy lives and focus on ourselves, our feelings and desires and expressing them to each other. We had different relationship statuses, which still, to this day keep changing. One was a single mum of three, one with a boyfriend and never been married, one freshly married, and me, married for eternity(at that point).

Every now and again we would invite an external friend with us, but those ladies (or gay friends) could never keep up. They were either more interested in all the male eyes we had on us or they felt too much of an outsider. We often received comments such as ' "What's the point of coming out with you girls, I will never get a man to hit on me, you are far too intimidating to ever be approached by anyone" or " I don't feel comfortable around four of you together". They were completely missing the point of our get-togethers. They couldn't see beyond the pedestal they've built for us. We were actually just normal, friendly, down-to-earth girls who mostly discussed insecurities and fears, failures and disappointments. It's was their own fear that left them out, not our sophistication. I do miss the girls very much and looking at our pictures today, I can't help but to smile nostalgically. However what I was thinking of, wasn't our friendship, we were only an example of the perception of intimidation and this is what I want to write about today -intimidation.

Why do we get intimidated and by whom?

We value other people's smarts, beauty and success, but feeling outperformed becomes a huge blow to our egos. Intimidation quickly sets in and we act ridiculously inadequate. I can recall so many times when I felt insignificant. Not cool enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, important enough, successful enough, talented enough or in other words intimidated by recognising all those things in the other people and not myself.

Thinking about it makes me realise that every time my intimidation was actually rooted in my own insecurities and how I viewed myself, rather then the people who were the trigger. Seems like intimidation is just a simple reproduction of fear. And fear, as much as it's hard-wired in us, is's often just a logical emotion. We can control it to an extend, but I don't think we try often or hard enough to do it.

If we could learn to pay more attention to our thoughts, stop letting them roam freely and become independent then we will no longer feel helpless and overwhelmed by them, and we'll have more power over our own identity, personality and fears.

Easier said than done, right?

I know, I often feel like the "Fat Personal Trainer at the Gym". I have all the knowledge, I know how to apply and enforce it on others, but when it comes to utilising it on myself ...Total failure.

Unfortunately I can't inspire and motivate someone to do something when they can clearly see I aren't a bright example of it. But if I can not inspire anyone to not give in to their fears and fight their wild, untamed thoughts, then at least I can tell them they aren't alone. I guess, what I am trying to say to all the people who in some form or way felt intimidated by me - ' You have nothing to fear '. I have all those fears myself. Probably more than you can imagine. The more I hide them, the stronger they become.

Remember, you are not alone in your fears....and don't forget to smile!

PS

To My Special K

Stop counting my spelling mistakes, it's intimidating ...besides, we are all HumEn, and you need to learn how to except your WhoRe HumEn Family.

So, next time you are reading my blog, living The GrammEr Police at your bor_ing political books shelf, shell be the aim ! :) T_ank you

Much LoFe

Nicole